“What’s up, what’s up. We call ourselves Fembots. We come from the future to let everyone know that rock is still alive and well, and we bring with us some future-past rock jams. We are Zoro, Niko, Akzis, and Link. Our sound has been described as Julian Casablacas doing Led Zeppeling with Annie Clark from St. Vincent on lead guitar. We are very proud of that description. We’ve also been called Television rip-offs, we are proud of that one as well.
We play almost lo-fi rock and roll (kind of garage rock) with a punk attitude. This band planted it’s seeds in the country of Ecuador, and then moved back to the US of A and continued making music and began recording it. Otonaroid is our first release, and we’ll be touring a lot starting march 2015. The tour is planned to be US and Canada with the possibility of spreading over to Europe if all goes well. Our objective is world domination, by the way. Also, we love The Pillows, The Velvet Underground, Spacemen 3, and Foxygen to name a few. We’ll see you all someday. Learn more about us in our new mock interview below.” — Fembots
Interviewer: So.. Who the hell are you guys and what are you doing in my office?
[Interviewer pulls a drawer on his desk open and reaches for something in it]
Zoro: No, no! It’s ok! We’re just here for the interview!
Niko: Yeah, sorry we’re a little late.
Interviewer: Interview? I’m a doctor… and this is a psych ward. Who are you two? Who let you through?
Zoro + Niko: We are Fembots!
Interviewer: Alright, I’m calling security.
Niko: Wait! Here, just have a listen.
[Niko pulls out a very outdated taxi yellow sony boom box and presses the play button, their album Otonaroid begins playing. The Dr. seems to dig it, as he takes his white lab coat off and starts swinging it around in the air while repeating the chorus lines completely wrong]
Zoro: (whispers to Niko) Should we call security?
Niko: Nah, man. This is the twelfth person to do the same thing when listening to our music, I guess our stuff is in fact enchanting in a very strange sexy way.
Zoro: No, I know that, but I mean he was singing the words completely wrong, it makes me want to cringe.
[Zoro proceeds to cringe as the doc sings “We are hearing all the kids yelling, we’re ok, we’re ok!”]
Niko: Ok, this is getting weird. We might be able to sneak out. Quietly, we’ll just leave the boom box here.
Zoro: No way, man! I spent seven whole dollars on that thing in a garage sale, I am not leaving that
Niko: Alright, have fun with the doctor.
[As soon as Niko gets up the songs fades and the cracking sound from the old chair he was sitting on disrupted the nirvana state the doc was in]
Interviewer: Where are you going? That was great! Who are you guys again?
Zoro: (Looks and Niko then back at the doc) Eh… We are Fembots, Doctor sir.
Interviewer: Fembots? Marvelous name! What does it mean? Why that name? Tell me, I must know!
Niko: Ugh.. well… We all like Japanese animation and we’re fans of a Japanese band called-
Interviewer: (cuts Niko off) Incredible story! Quite intriguing, with just the right amount of action, romance, and comedy!
[Zoro and Niko look at each other]
Niko: hmm… What?
Interviewer: So how did you two meet?
Niko: Well we-
Interviewer: (cutting Niko off) I wasn’t talking to you. (stares at Zoro)
Niko: (whispers) wtf, man?
Zoro: (smiles) There are more of us in the band. We all met when we were exchange students in Ecuador. We started hanging out, and jamming and stuff. Then when the year was up we all went back to our respective cities in the US and after another year we decided to reunite and record some songs, man!
[The doctor nods his head in understanding]
Interviewer: So, how would you describe your music to other patients?
Niko: To other patients? What?
[Zoro and the Doctor are obviously starting to ignore Niko at this point]
Zoro: I would say it’s a fusion of Garage rock with some elaborate hints of classic rock and roll. I call it
Dorm Rock. Not indie rock, I hate that term.
[Niko elbows him on the side]
Niko: Dude, don’t say that!
[Niko remains ignored]
Interviewer: (whispers to himself as he is writing this down on his prescription papers) …with some elaborate hints of classic rock and roll. And why Dorm Rock, if I may ask?
Zoro: Dorm Rock because we were college students in dorms using whatever we had in our dorm rooms to make music.
Interviewer: Oh, that’s interesting. Stupid, but interesting.
Niko: Those are almost complete opposite adjectives!
[Zoro and the doctor glare at him, he cowers back in his creaking 1920’s chair]
Interviewer: Who else is part of this ridiculously good looking collective?
Zoro: Oh! Allow me to introduce ourselves as well! We have myself, Zoro, I play guitar. Then there’s Link and Akzis. They play drums and guitar respectively!
Niko: Dude, you forgot me? Niko? Remember?
Zoro + Interviewer: Whatever.
Interviewer: What influences do you have on your material? What would you say it sounds like?
Zoro: I’ve been told that it sounds like Julian Casablancas of The Strokes playing Led Zeppelin songs with Annie Clark of St. Vincent on lead guitar. I would be Annie Clark, I suppose. If not, then I would volunteer to be she is ridiculously beautiful and perfect.
Interviewer: It’s uncanny! Though I have no idea who this Annie Clark of St. Vincent is nor this Julian of The Strokes, gentleman.
Zoro: They are incredible musicians! Link actually went to the same school as Annie Clark.
Interviewer: Again, no clue who you’re talking about. So what are you doing now what are your plans for the future?
Zoro: Well, in short our goal as a band is world domination through sound waves.
Interviewer: I like your honesty, reach for the stars, son!
Niko: Are you sure you’re a doctor?
Zoro: Of course he is a doctor don’t be an idiot, he has a lab coat.
Interviewer: Of course I’m a doctor don’t be an idiot, I have a lab coat.
Do you belong to a label, or a cult, or something?
Zoro: Cult, yes. Label, no.
Interviewer: Am I the first one to listen to this piece of history in the making? What’s the name of the LP again?
Zoro: The album name is Otonaroid. And, you probably are among the very first to listen to my music, you are part of history now! A legend, Doctor! Doctor Legend!
Niko: OUR music…
Interviewer: I like the sound of that, Dr. Legend. And why Otonaroid? What does that even mean?
Niko: Otonaroid is the name of an very life like female robot made in Japan. Otona means grown up or adult, i think, and then it’s mixed with android.
It’s creepy stuff if you see her, but it is quite mind-blowing. Just another hint of our Japan love.
Zoro: So, we’re racing against robots for world domination.
Interviewer: I think a better name for you would be Japandroids.
Zoro: That is a very, very good band name but unfortunately it is already taken.
Interviewer: Taken? By who?
Niko: By… Japandoids? That’s their name, they came up with it.
Zoro: Yeah, they’re so rad though!
Interviewer: Can I be in your band? Can Dr. Legend be in your band?
Niko: Dude, you’re like.. what, 73 years old? You’re weak heart can’t handle us.
Zoro: Woah, man. Rude, much?
[Doctor begins to sob. Zoro approaches him and hugs him]
Zoro: (looking at Niko) Not cool, man, not cool.
Niko: Are you serious? This is the worst interview I’ve ever had.
Zoro: The worst interview you’ve ever had so far.
[a voice from an overhead speaker comes on]
Speaker: That’s because this isn’t an interview. This is an experiment on human and android interaction.
[The Doctor abruptly gets up into standing position, emotionless, and gets sucked into a whole in the ground]
Zoro: … …
Niko: … …
Speaker: … … …
Zoro: Soooo… Mind blown. Download our album, ok? Bye.
Niko: That just happened. This is happening. Bye.
Zoro: My boom box!