The Mad World of Band Merch

Merch

Although a world in which bands made money purely from gigs and record sales is a fever dream within many industry and band-member minds, the reality is that bands often have to release a little merchandise to 1) pay the bills and 2) satiate fans’ hungry demands for musically themed purchases. Whilst the typical types of merchandise- band t-shirts, buttons, caps etc- are a regular feature of band merch sites the world over, some bands do go to rather exceptional lengths to cash in on their notoriety. Here are some of the best.

Metallica Monopoly

In Metallica Monopoly players buy particular memories and moments from the band’s history, successfully commodifying every single aspect of the hard-rocking band. Weirdly enough the producers have chosen to use strange cartoons of the band throughout the product despite it being labelled as a collector’s edition copy, making this an even more muddled piece of merch! So much for sticking it to the man I guess!

Kiss Slots

Hosted by online gaming site MrSmithCasino, the Kiss slots game lets fans of the quintessential hard rockers try their luck at winning a nice bit of cash. Great Kiss tunes, the ability to play two machines simultaneously and all manner of other rock n roll-themed graphics, buttons and sounds; it’s a hoot!

Justin Bieber Shower Curtain

This one is just plain weird. Likely marketed towards tween girls (or perhaps pop-mad adults), the Justin Bieber Shower Curtainis a product we can all agree should never has been made. Love heart curtain rail hoops, a strangely trippy background and a leering image of the boy-star himself; all that remains is one question- why?

Kiss Kasket

Kiss seem to be pretty on top of their merchandise game. Either that or the aging band members really need some cash after growing tired so many years of tours and releases. Nevertheless, Kiss have brought out and marketed a full sized, Kiss-emblazoned funeral casket for the use of their most ardent fans!

The Killers Toothbrush

‘Smile like you mean it!’ never had such meaning! We’re not quite sure if these are actually being released by The Killers themselves or if they’re just an invention of a fan trying to get even closer to their favourite indie-rockers, but hey, it exists, and now we can all continue with on with our lives.

One Direction Toothpaste

Make sure you don’t use the aforementioned product with this special edition Colgate fluoride toothpaste, if you do who knows what could happen! Reactions akin to that of matter-antimatter, the release of Death From Above 1979 Q-tips, improved oral hygiene; don’t tempt fate!

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