I was just sitting at my computer getting cozy, actually a little too cozy (about to check out some kinky porn)….when all of a sudden this phantom harbinger of strange tidings pierced the veil of my Friday night malaise in the form of an email from AMBY asking me to “get cozy” with them. God knows my Tinder account has seen better days, but honestly, I have to ask myself how I feel about getting cozy with a website. We just met, and I’m not sure how I feel about dating a url. I mean…I consider myself open minded and even borderline pansexual, but how would fuxxing a blog even work? I mean I guess we could get a drink or something and go from there…
later that night at the TGIFridays
SO…yeah nice to meet you, too. Yeah my name is Sterling. Yeah Fox like an animal haha. I don’t hunt mice though…vegetarian.
(to the server) Yeah I’ll take one Bloody Mary and your mozzarella stix.
(to AMBY) So what’s it like being a music blog?….Don’t talk much eh?…All good, it’s actually refreshing not being drowned out in narcissism on a date for a change. Well, I write songs. You could say I’m a professional songwriter. I’ve written for lots of famous people with marginal music who don’t know who I am even though I write their hits. Yes, it’s frustrating…no I haven’t met Nick Jonas…why? Anyways, I’m working on some new music for myself that I think is cool….(mozz stix arrive)….do you like stix? No, the band Styx. It’s kind of like them….just kidding, it’s actually like 90s brit rock with a dash of Paul Simon and Pixies (dashes salt and pepper into the Bloody Mary) I guess I’m just a storyteller…I try to write lyrics that follow a narrative and have interesting characters in the way that Springsteen and others did in their songs.
2 hours later
Yeah I guess my biggest regret in life is not putting more of my thoughts into the world. That’s why I’m making an album. Yeah the song – it’s weird. I mean tell me if you like it. It’s called “Freak Caroline” and it’s about this trust fund girl from New York who does a lot of adderall and…i mean, it’s hard to explain. You have to just listen – there are 3 guitar solos so it definitely doesn’t take itself too seriously. I played most of the instruments and produced it myself. Yeah the video was fun…I wanted to make a ’90s style fisheye band performance vid. I edited it, so that was a fun challenge also. (bill arrives) I got this. YES – I’m sure haha. Nick Jonas money baby. Do you wanna go check out my vinyl collection?
back at the crib
(making out) You are so hot AMBY. Can I take off your html? Hold on…yes…I have a mousepad somewhere. oh my god baby…yes…blog for me….blog all over me….arrgggghhh
15 minutes later
Well that was fun. Call me sometime.
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